Coffee Wars

Mom: Do you want a little more coffee?

Me: Mmmmm, not right now, thanks.

Mom: Well there's a little left....

Me: Go ahead and drink it, I'll make more if I want it.

Mom: Well I don't really want it.

Me: Then don't drink it.

Mom: But it's turned off.

Me: Then turn it back on.

Mom: But there's only a little left.

SIX. Bottles.

As Dad was packing he proudly showed me his ziploc baggie of six little freebie shampoo bottles from hotels. They are from the Choice Hotel chain in a design they retired probably a decade or more ago. He holds them up, as if they are a burden he just can't shake. "They're so close to the end that I have to put a little water in there and shake them up to get the shampoo out." 

No. You don't. 

Do it when you're in the shower finishing the last mobile bit, sure. SURE. I'm not a monster, I rinse out bottles of stuff like shampoo too. But to have six of them, six that you hauled across multiple states on a one week trip to visit family? Why?? Why are there six?? Why are there six that I know about, and how many more are there?!?

Uncle Vernon's old socks

That's ten black socks, a twin size "sheet thing" and a bag of nuts. I'll let you decide which is which.

And we're back

It's been a while, so here are the updates. Mom and Dad are arriving this evening. The kids are now ages 7 and 5. Mom and Dad now live in the same location, my hometown, in the house I grew up in. Along with my adult sister who is (as far as I know) holding down a job for the first time and has had it for not quite a year. She works from home. She's not coming, but she'll inevitably figure in to some stories. 

By the way, this whole post from two years ago reenacted itself, except this time Mom said, "Oh, did you turn your back on them too?" Mom, I turned my back on food poisoning. Other reasons are irrelevant. 

w-t-f, w-h-o c-a-r-e-s

The four year old is playing on the laptop, doing quite a good job at using the mouse and arrow keys and whatnot. There's some kind of game where you choose a person... character... thing and play. 

Mom walks over and says in a low voice, "I *thought* he was going to pick the b-l-a-c-k f-e-m-a-l-e character, but he ended up picking the boy with blonde hair."

I said, "Oh it doesn't matter, it's a game, let him choose whatever he wants! He's USING A MOUSE."

Mom replies, "Well I just thought maybe he was confused....."

WTF.

Fox Blocked

Dad is trying desperately to get to his favorite news source via the browser on his iphone, but an ad for Glad trash bags keeps popping up or is the destination of a redirection. He's really frustrated by it and can't make it stop doing that or go away or get to the actual webpage.

I'm not offering to help.

.... and she DIED

Yes, I just heard the Seinfeld envelope glue poisoning story as a cautionary tale that Mom just told the 6 year old. GREAT JOB GRANDMA.

Also, we all went for a walk earlier. Did you all know that the reason pedestrians walk facing traffic isn't to increase visibility for everyone involved, oh no. It's for the somewhat related but decidedly insane reason that the driver of the car MIGHT FALL ASLEEP AND SWERVE INTO YOU.

I heard this story and yelled ahead, "When he has nightmares I'm sending him to you!!"