It's a real cliffhanger

Husband and I went out last night and left the kids with Mom, Dad, and The Sister.  We had dinner and saw Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1, which is the first part of a two-part movie made from a single book.  I've read the book a few times and very much looked forward to seeing the film adaptation.  

So we got home, and Dad asked me how I liked it.  I said it was really good and I enjoyed it.  He looked a little perturbed and said, "It's a real cliffhanger, though!"

Um.

Yeah, Dad.  It's half a book. 

Picture it - Christmas dinner.  Dad is drinking Mountain Dew from a champaign glass.

Klassy.

I saved the coffee pot from being ravaged by Mom and The Sister.

Mom: I turned the coffee pot off.

Me: O....kay. (It auto-turned off an hour ago, so this confused me.)

Mom: WELL, there wasn't a lot of coffee left. (This was whispered as if having a little leftover coffee was somehow shameful.)

Me: Okay.

A few minutes later.....

Mom: The Sister, we'll have to make more coffee if you want any....

The Sister: growl snarl hiss whine

Mom: How do we do this.

Insert a few minutes of clanks and clacks with snipey whispering.

Dad: They might need some help....

Me: Am I going to have to go make coffee?

Dad: No, no, just tell them what to do.

I give him a look.

Dad: Or maybe show them how this once.

I went and made the coffee, and then on the way back to my seat mentioned to Dad that I'd used the coffee pot for the first time this morning.

Merry Trashmas

They gave Husband a gift wrapped in a trashbag. When he ripped it open, Mom cried, "Oh no! That was a good trash bag..."

Not even a bow.

Wearing thin..

The sister is rocking the same baggy sweatshirt and jeans for the second day in a row. The same people at the Christmas Eve party yesterday will enjoy the lipstick on a pig look at Christmas dinner today. Husband thinks she arrived in these clothes Thursday night as well. Lovely.

....... Christmas Eve

Mom is pacing around the house tapping a present.  Not one for her, oh no.  One that is from her that she wrapped and now doesn't remember what it is.

After 10 minutes she's decided that since we have tape, she'll peek and then rewrap.

Talking Back

To: Star Wars:The Empire Strikes Back

From: The Sister

Shut UP Lando! You're lucky we don't throw you in the brig!

Me: WTF??

At 10 o'clock at night they were heating pimento cheese sandwiches, packed and brought from their home, in my toaster oven.

Almost...

It's 8pm and they're an hour away.... bad traffic.  

Incoming!

I emailed Dad last night with a weather report and a reminder that we have grocery stores here.  He said they were ready to get up, pack the car, and leave at 9am.

They called at 11am.

Mom: Hi, Dad says we'll be there around 7:30 tonight.

Me: looks at clock

      So you just left?

Mom: ......... yeeeesssss.

Me: Ha, nice try.  Okay, then we'll see you tonight.

Dad: (in background) Tell her we missed our wakeup call from the three year old!

Mom: We missed our wakeup call from the three year old!

Me: I wanted to wait until I was sure you were on the road so I didn't delay you.

Mom: Weeeeellllllll.... we've been up for three hours already....

Me: Give your brother the water cup!  Okay guys, I gotta go. Have a nice trip!

Stocking up

The Parents and The Sister are halfway here from the hometown for their Christmas visit, overnighting at Dad's place (see Transportation for more info on their living arrangements).  Dad called from the store tonight to ask about what Husband might like for Christmas; Mom was an hour away having apparently driven separately.

They called again later from another favorite shopping haunt - Mom asking me for help on what The Sister could get me for Christmas.  The Sister is 27 years old and fully capable of asking her own gift idea questions, so what we're really asking here is what Mom can pick out to be from The Sister.  I put Mom on the phone with Husband (sorry dear) and left the room to get a drink.

Also, Dad mentioned that they will be stopping by the grocery store in the morning before leaving if we need anything - this while calling from elsewhere in the same building.  They are coming from NINE HOURS AWAY.  What the everloving hell could 1) we POSSIBLY need from them that we couldn't ask for tonight, not that we would, or 2) THEY need so desperately tomorrow, in the CAR, for NINE HOURS, that THEY couldn't get tonight.  Also, we have grocery stores.  In fact I can walk to one from my house.  It's not like we live in a vast wasteland without a place to go buy food.

Ordinarily I wouldn't give a crap what they do, but going to the store in the morning will set them back an hour that they could have used getting here at a decent hour and beating the weather we're expecting tomorrow evening.  But they won't, because what if they need a 10 pound bag of oranges?  And there's an orange shortage?  My god, we'll all get scurvy and die clawing at the doors of the grocery store.  

Good news, everyone!

They're coming to visit for a few days sometime around Christmas.  I'm not sure exactly when yet.  

They also haven't specified whether or not The Sister is coming, but I'm sure she is!  Lucky me!

Water water everywhere....

Husband discovered water in the coffee carafe, again, but this time it was left on.  The water is to prevent the carafe from burning.  OR, you *could* try turning it off?!??

Also, water in the pan used to cook eggs this morning. ?!??!

And The Sister took TWO SUITCASES into our rather small bathroom to facilitate her shower just now.  Yesterday's bathing experience took 45 minutes. 

News Flash: People with tattoos

News Flash:
People with tattoos are all in gangs. Thanks Mom and The Sister for this pearl of wisdom.

It's the pile of groceries they brought to offset their food bill while here. Coffee, cereal, batteries, all in quantities ready for the apocalypse.

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Some of them are here, anyway...

It is 10:46pm and Dad and The Sister just arrived.  Yes, I am awake, but I went to bed an hour ago.  Husband is up operating the door.  Mom's plane doesn't get in for another hour.  We've had a talk before about how arriving after 9pm disrupts bedtime.  Three is long  asleep but One is still winding down.  I keep hearing the storm door slam....

I can't wait to see what they've brought!

On notice

At 10:08 this morning I received the email alerting me to my sister coming along for this weekend of fun.  They will arrive late Friday and stay until Tuesday; it is currently Tuesday.  So we've got some time. 

Here's the email with only words in brackets (identifying info) changed:

[Me],
Hope things are going well with everyone.
I would plan to bring [The Sister] up when we visit. She is in [CondoTown] with
me for now.
If we need to, we can stay at the motel near you.  Just let me know.
Mom will arrive sometime after 11:00 PM and I will pick her up at the
airport.
I plan to be there earlier, depending on work and traffic.

I would like to bring some groceries up. Can you send me a list?
Do you need anything from Ikea that will fit in my car?  I should be by
there while they are open.

Moms flight leaves around 2:30 on Tuesday. I plan to leave at the same
time.

Love,
Dad

*************************************

The phrasing of, "I would plan to bring..." strikes me as very odd.  This is also the first indication of The Sister having moved out of the home of someone she was mooching off of since May at a posh address in Manhattan.

Eight hours later, having called my phone and finding it to be turned off, Dad called Husband's phone to find out whether he needed hotel reservations and to get shopping lists.  Eight hours?!

Shopping lists would be weird to a normal person, but for them it's a wonderful improvement on showing up with a box containing 23.5 pounds of Mueller's pasta in assorted shapes.

Good News, Everyone!

They're coming to visit this weekend.

I just found out that they're bringing The Sister. This raises the hilarity quotient exponentially! Stay tuned!

Threw out wrinkled tomatoes dated

Threw out wrinkled tomatoes dated a month ago.... found them repackaged and back in the fridge later.

Visiting Dad's condo, there are

Visiting Dad's condo, there are 17 lamps in the living room-dining area-kitchen. Also 35 speakers and 6 wireless routers.

Trash Picker

Last night Mom was in charge of washing the fresh lettuce for a salad with dinner.  She then dried the lettuce using a few paper towels (probably about four).  Now, this is not something I would ordinarily do but since I am a bit under the weather I'm not eating salad and pretty much don't care.  Husband picked up the pile of wet paper towels from the counter and when Mom and Dad's backs were turned, gave me a definite WTF look and threw them away.

This morning, over breakfast, Mom says, "[Husband] didn't know I have a method to my madness... I dried the lettuce with paper towels and I was going to use them to clean the floor, but he threw them away.  I guess he didn't know that I reuse paper towels.  So I had to get them out of the trash and clean the floor with them.  He didn't know."

Somehow, I managed to remain impassive through this confession.

Timing

Hey, and what a week for Three to have his first virus that clears from both ends. 

Just so you know...

Ever so slightly louder than necessary just to be sure I could overhear, as we leave for the market, Mom says, "I was thinking about turning off the tv but I don't know how...."

Also, when she drank the last of the coffee in the pot she then asked me if she should turn it off.  I said yes, if it's empty.  She told me how they burned up a coffee maker at work by not turning it off.  Then she put water in the carafe to just sit there, because it was still hot.

On her last visit, she asked EVERY DAY if she should put water in the carafe.  EVERY DAY we said no.  This time she just did it.

Outing!

We're all going to the Farmer's Market today.  It might get interesting...

Contacts or eyeglasses?

When Husband pulled up in the driveway having retrieved Mom from the airport, the mail had arrived and there was a box from 1-800 contacts right on top of the box. As she got out of the car, Mom recounted that she's already asked Husband if he had some backup glasses because "you can really get into trouble with contacts. We* had to send a boy to Some Place because he was wearing his contacts too much."

* Mom is a health care practitioner. She's actually pretty good at it.

Lost in translation

I should have known there was more to my mom saying that flying was for the birds. Apparently there was a stranger near her fluffing her hair and inadvertantly also fluffing my mom's hair in the process (difficult to picture, I know). Upon her arrival here and in telling this story, she told me that saying flying was for the birds was to indicate that someone had fluffed her hair.

I happened to be standing near where she was seated, and while demonstrating the offensive hair fluffing I noticed a seed flopping around on top of her head. I picked it off and handed it to her.

Later, I found it on top of the mail.

Fashionista

Three words: embroidered denim pantsuit.

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One down...

Dad is here.  Husband and Three went to pick up Mom at the airport.

Transmission: Don't talk to me!

I received the following forwarded email from Dad.  The only things I've changed are the names in brackets.

[Me]
I assume we can talk to her after 4PM on Monday.
Love,
Dad
----- Original Message ----- From: [The Sister]
To: [Dad]
Sent: Friday, May 14, 2010 9:22 PM
Subject: Stuffles


Paw,

Can't see you tomorrow on account of I have a ton of crap to do.

Lunchtime is not often an optimal time to talk to me.  This only goes through next Monday, buuuut definitely don't call any time before 4 on Monday unless it's an emergency.

I found out that commencement will be outside after all - that is good news - it means you can show up closer to 2:30, since there will be plenty of room.  It will be under a tent, so no worries about too much sun.

Also, the photo-op will take place *before* commencement, so I should be able to leave right after the commencement is over.  It'll probably be over around 3:30 or 4.

[The Sister]

Alert!

Just got the call from Dad - "Can you pick up Mom?"

Saw this one a mile away, yo.

Transportation

Mom and Dad will be traveling from different points of origin today; Mom from the hometown and Dad from his workplace about halfway between. Mom is opting to fly the distance these days as apparently the 7 hour trip to the workplace is too much for her. She determined this after falling asleep at the wheel twice and needing to stop and spend the night to break up that 7 hour trip previously. So, a good move, really.

Dad, as is his style, will be driving the 9 hours between the workplace and my home. He told me he'd try not to bother us by calling too much, but he would let us know if he wasn't going to make it to my airport in time to pick up Mom. I told him to relax; we could certainly get her. As per his call earlier today, he's running late. Let's just say I'm not surprised.

Dad mentioned yesterday that he didn't want to be too far from DC when my mom changed planes there "in case something happened and I have to go get her." What apocalyptic scenario must he imagine? Or is it that he's afraid of Mom's ability to change planes? Or that perhaps the flight attendants won't let her on...?

Update again...

Mom called again to say that the flight was supposed to board 30 minutes ago, but they "are boarding now that the flight attendants are finally ready."

We told her we'd be monitoring the situation from the computer box here on the ground.

report from mom getting on

report from mom
getting on the plane in DC: this flying thing is for the birds.

Testing

Test post from cell. I'm ready!

They're coming

They'll be here after 4pm today.